Posted on by ReAnn Scott

Moving on…..

What do you do when you come to the realization that you aren’t where you belong? 

I relocated to a nice, affordable, independent senior living facility in Santa Barbara (Goleta), CA last April after being on their waiting list for 8 months. To do this, I gave up my home in San Miguel de Allende, did several long-term house and pet- sits, and an extended stay with good friends. (Thank you, Janet & Bob!) 

I thought I’d found ‘my place.’ I have a large apartment, big enough for me and my sewing studio. I can walk to the beach in 10 minutes. I was close to my oldest and 2 of my Grands. The weather is fantastic – daytime temps have yet to drop below 65º. The photo above is what Christmas Day in Santa Barbara really does look like.

Public transportation is reliable. (I still don’t own a car). Santa Barbara is a pretty town and I have well-known neighbors – Kevin Coster, Oprah, Rob Lowe, Kenny Loggins, Ellen deGeneres, and Harry and Megan to name just a few.

I did all the right things. I went out of my way to meet people here at ‘The Manor,’ accepted a part-time job at the local fabric store, and joined the Santa Barbara Newcomers Club. So why was I not happy? Me, who is always upbeat and smiling, found myself staying in my room, not wanting to interact with people. I became literally depressed, and for the first time in my life, truly lonely. What was causing this?

A couple of things. First was the realization that even though I was way over the age limit of what was required to live in a senior residence, I was much too young to be here. 

I daily dodge folks with their walkers who bear down and will bump you out of their way. And the main two topics of conversation are detailed physical aliments and what’s for dinner? I am one of the very few 252 residents who tried to find a life outside of The Manor. 

I was thrilled when after meeting the owner of the local fabric store, to be offered a job helping them revamp their class and workshop schedule and assist with fabric sales. Though only 4-8 hours a week, it was a reason to hop on the bus and head into town and meet like-minded sewists! 

Then there was the Newcomers. Did you know that the lowest-priced home on the market right now in Santa Barbara is $1 Million. And it probably needs lots of work or would be what’s called a ‘tear-down.’ Rentals for the students at UCSB and SBCC start at $1,500 a month for one room in a shared home or apartment. A nice rental for an adult is $2,500-$3,000 for a studio and goes way up from there.  So wow, I had found amazingly affordable housing in one of the highest-priced markets in the US. 

If you are a Newcomer relocating to Santa Barbara for work or retirement, you must have very deep pockets to move here and enjoy the expensive lifestyle that it comes with. In other words, you aren’t relegated to living in a very nice but affordable senior residence. You can easily afford weekly Newcomer activities which range from $50 to $175 each. And you might find you have a tendency to look down on someone who does live in such a place – and rides a bus. To say I was not welcomed is probably not the correct word. Ignored or invisible are better words. 

I have always been a person who makes friends easily and for the first time in my life, I found that in the 9 months I have been here, I hadn’t made any friends. I couldn’t find ‘my tribe’ which I had always been able to do, no matter where in the world I was living. I had made up my mind that I would return to Chicago after my trip to Japan in March. Chicago is ‘home.’ I have a great base of friends there and I could learn to love winters once again. But then…..

One of the only women I got to know while living here spent her entire 30+ year career as a House Director working at Greek sorority houses in California and Florida. She was living at The Manor for a short time while recovering from major surgery and has since moved to a new position at UCLA. She kept pestering me to let her send my resume to the top recruiter for Greek houses all across the US.  She said I would be perfect for the House Director position.  Ha!  Sure, an old, retired, bored, white-haired granny? Not!  

But I gave in. Why not? She sent off my resume, and within a week I got a call for a position at the Sigma Chi Fraternity Chapter at the University of Pennsylvania!  I love winter – but Pennsylvania?  

I thanked them but said no, and told the recruiter I might be happier just being a ‘sub’ for any Greek house in the University of California system.  But two days later I got a call from Gamma Phi Beta at UC Berkeley.  After an hour and a half conversation, hearing exactly what the job entailed, and learning the REALLY amazing benefits and salary…. I said YES!  

How could I turn down the opportunity to be paid to live within minutes of downtown San Francisco, which next to Chicago, is my all-time favorite city in the US.  I have long-time friends who live in the Bay Area and already know my way around!   PLUS – they agreed that I did not have to cancel my already-planned 3-week trip to Japan in March. Whoppie! 

So once again I am packing up (a much-diminished amount of stuff since downsizing when leaving San Miguel) and on December 28th, I will head up the coast 331 miles to a City by the Bay.  

2024 is the start of a wonderful, totally new adventure in a new location that includes being the ‘adult presence’ for the 52 young ladies who live in the Gamma Phi house. I have so much to look forward to in the New Year and I hope you do as well. I might even find some interesting topics and places to blog about more often than I have lately. 

Ok, how about living in a sorority house at my age? Being on the campus of one of the top universities in the entire world? And traveling all around Japan for 3 weeks? I think I will be writing you again soon.

Until then…..

A Very Merry Christmas and a Happy, Prosperous, and Joyous New Year!!

 

20 Replies to “Moving on…..”

  2. OMG! I’m sobbing! Yes! Yes! Yes! I know exactly what it feels like to think you have done everything right but the place is wrong. And your new job, ReAnn! Hell, yes!!! I am so freakin’ happy for you.

    People who think young but are trapped in aging bodies have to work a little harder to avoid the stereotyping of a culture that devalues the elderly. But once we’re seen, we blow their minds as you’ve just blown mine.

    Jessa, my oldest daughter, and her partner, Dan, live in Montara, CA, just south of San Francisco. Perhaps, I’ll see you again in this incredible lifetime!

    Blessed Solstice and Merry Christmas to you!

    Love, Sherry

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    1. You WILL come see me when you visit Jessa! We could have a fabulous playdate in San Francisco! That’s if you can dig yourself out of the snow and ice! And thank you for the lovely words. So good to be seen and understood. HUGS

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  3. Well, sorry Santa Barbara was not for you…at least we got to get together a couple of times! I have a feeling you will love Berkeley and the Bay Area, and we’ll probably find a way to meet up again! Best wishes to you, ReAnn!
    ♥️♥️😎

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  4. I think I didn’t do something correctly – let me know if you got my comment.

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  6. Welcome to Northern California almost!
    I have lived here since 1982 and I live just over the hill from Berkeley in Moraga. I have enjoyed your blog for years and if there’s anything I can do to help you in the future please contact me!

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  8. You are definitely not the right fit for Santa Barbara. Age is just a number and you’re not one to be “boxed into a category”. Too late to say “You Go Girl” because you are a “Go Go Girl Par Excellence”. The people of Santa Barbara don’t know what they missed. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you Re Ann.

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  11. I love this! You will be an amazing house mom to these young women. I remember “Mom B” fondly..she let us sneak into the kitchen after the bars closed so we could raid the refrigerator..only if we told her our funny escapades of our night out. Enjoy this new chapter and a
    have wonderful 2024.

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  13. So lovely to get the written update. Hope it all goes splendidly and that you get to visit us in Chicago between terms. Hugs from Here Mary Jane

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  15. Hi ReAnn,

    My Dad passed away on January 10, 2023. He had an operation in December and was not able to recover with all of the other cancer issues. Rob and I were there at the end. His sisters were also there, planning on spending the winter here to be able to visit him. I spent the last two years between training in martial arts with my daughter and flying to Tucson helping my dad. He had several big issues over the last few years and since I retired from teaching, I was able to help him a lot.

    Nina and I have both retired now. We have moved to the same complex as my Dad lived. We were hoping to hang out with him for the next few years. On a positive note, my Mom is doing great. We bought a wheelchair van and have been busting her out of the assisted living facility, taking her shopping, out to lunch, on picnic and to our house. Nina has made my Mom her thing and she is with her 5 or 6 days a week. I am dealing with all of the non-social things, like money, payments, insurance, etc…

    I get your take on where I belong. We also live in a community with everyone older than us. I would never live here unless my Dad did. Now we are here to take care of my Mom. I wanted to retire to the woods. I have spent the last 30 years living in cities and that was enough, but we do what we must. We have committed to 5 years here. If my Mom is still around then, we will remain here.

    My best to you and your family.

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  16. Happy New Year, Rick. So nice to hear from you. Nina and I have been in touch and it seems as if you are both doing well being the ‘youngsters’ of the neighborhood. I know your Dad loved having you around and Sue must be thrilled having Nina and you to ‘bust her out of the home!’ Your daughters have grown up and now one is married and the other doing wonderful things in far-off Thailand. I’m just getting settled into my new position at UC Berkeley. A much better place, for me at least, than a quiet, little retirement home!!! Take care.

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